Help Us Answer the Mystery of the Century
Editor’s note: In an effort to pay his rehab bills, Biff has been wrangling to get freelance work from the tabloids. His first assignment:
Dear readers,
I have been asked to get to the bottom of one of the biggest mysteries of the century.
Extensive research has failed to find the evidence for which I am looking. I have gone through a month of pain-staking research, and have yet to find an answer to the question:
ARE DEE SNIDER AND SARA JESSICA PARKER THE SAME PERSON?
From my research, I have not found a single picture of the “two” stars in the same place, at the same time. This alone is damning evidence, but look closely, and you can also see more than a passing resemblance. SJP’s attempt at ending the permed coif isn’t fooling anyone.
A friend of mine said there’s one big difference between the two:
“I’d do Sara Jessica Parker,” he said.
But, what if you reached down to tickle the little man in the boat, and instead found a 12″ replica of an ancient Greek war vessel, complete with battering ram and thousands of seamen?
Or, if that slipped your notice, after a night of vigorous viagra-lengthened love-making, you woke up, opened your eyes, and - just as they all look different in the morning - she looked more like Dee than she?
I’m not sure I’m willing to take that chance.
We’ve tried contacting Matthew Broderick, but he has been ducking our calls with suspicious determination. Perhaps he is embarrassed to have made it all the way to the altar without finding the truth?
Imagine that little surprise as you take off the bridal gown …
I think my testes just landed somewhere amidst my small intestine.
Anyway, if you have evidence of the truth to this eternal mystery, please email me
Thanks, and as always,
Read Our Comics
Biff
